Bookworms

I love trips to the Public Library with my kids.  We all find a good book, find those great comfy chairs to sit in, and just relax and read.  I couldn't help but peak up out of my book to find the rain gently rolling down the window yesterday as I watched my kids enthralled in their books of choice.  Aahhhh.  These are wonderful moments.  I didn't take a picture or anything as that would definitely interrupt the moment, but it's hidden in my heart and mind forever!

~ Christmas Cactus in May ~

One flower pot!  That is how many crafty things I have laying around my house that I made for someone else.  Just one flower pot that I poured my heart into for a mother's day gift 15 years ago for my mother-in-law.  I'm not super crafty.  You need to know that first.  So, it's not that the flower pot is really that great.  But my mother-in-law liked it enough and put one of her favorite house plants in it.  It's a flowering Christmas Cactus.  It flowers once a year at Christmas time.  I remember the year after I gave it to her she told me that  her cactus plant had never bloomed that much or been that healthy.  She told me the plant loved it's new home and that she knew it was because the pot was created with so much love for her.  That was my mother-in-law.  She was always encouraging me and never once said a negative thing to me.  Even when I'm sure she knew better than I did (especially when I was a young mom), she gently and lovingly supported Greg and I.

9 years ~ That's how long she's been in Heaven.  When she got really really sick the last time, she told me I'd have to take the plant and look after it.  She said I could never take it out of that pot!  And in all these years, her Christmas Cactus has never bloomed for me like it use to for her.  I have a BLACK thumb and honestly, I'm surprised the thing has survived.  I'm sure in all her gardening wisdom (she was quite the pro) she knew deep down that the Christmas Cactus is a tough plant and could probably survive my forgetfullness and neglect over the years.  And it has!

Two days ago I noticed something spectacular.  My Christmas Cactus has begun to bloom this week ~ Mother's Day Week.  It has never done this before.  It's not the right season.  But it is blooming all the same and I can't help but think of her.  I'm flooded with memories of her with our two older kids when they were babies and telling her our third child's name (her namesake) since it was looking like she wouldn't get to meet her on this earth.  I'm on my knees thanking God for the mother that she was in Greg's life and the way she helped mold him into the amazing husband, father, son, brother, and friend that he is to the people in his life.  I'm speechless remembering the many lives that she touched just in the 10 years that I was honored to be a part of her story let alone the countless others there were before I knew her.  I'm in tears remembering the cancer that could not defeat her in its most aweful moments, but the way she took that cancer by the horns and used it in her life to lift others up and glorify God.

She had put a stake in the plant soon after she placed it in the homemade pot that says, "Lord, teach me to bloom where I'm planted".  She told me once that this was a prayer she prayed often for Greg and I because we had been transferred to Reno for a time.  I looked at that this week and had to smile.  My mother-in-law is still encouraging me today.  She is so amazing that she found a way to plant a prayer in my heart and my home that would continue to "point my face toward the Son" and keep my eyes focused on the things that matter.

So, I remember her this week and am in awe of how great a role we mother's have.  I am honored to be a mom.  I am honored to have been her daughter-in-law.  I look forward to seeing her again someday.

~ Happy Mother's Day ~ 

~ IN THE STILLNESS ~

I went AWAY last weekend on a trip.......

There was a lot of ALONE time......

It was UNCOMFORTABLE to not be surrounded by close FRIENDS and FAMILY like it has always been in the past......

The SILENCE and BEAUTY of some of the moments was almost too overwhelming......

I had no cell phone service to CHECK IN with Greg and the kids......

I had NO computer/email/facebook/internet to DISTRACT me......

It was WONDERFUL and yet AWEFUL at times......

I literally could not IGNORE the silence OR the thoughts in my head and emotions in my heart that filled it......

GROWTH in every sense of the word is difficult, but it's worth it.......

I discovered more about myself this weekend......

It brings me great JOY to remember that HIS plans are to PROSPER me and not to HARM me (even if I can't see the trees from the forest at times)......

NOBODY ever promised EASY.......

I'm just THANKFUL to be on the ride that is MY LIFE.......

Defeat or Victory? What's in a year??

Whew!  We made it.  Another year is over.  I'd love to say this year has been all roses and chocolate but it hasn't.  This year has been a tough one in many ways for me.  As I looked back over it, I found myself going YIKES!  Someone stopped me at church a month ago and asked if I was o.k.  They said I just wasn't my usual bubbly self.  I had to admit it was true.  This last year has definitely altered me.  Without getting into details that are not necessary, let's just say my spirit was broken this last year.  Sounds kind of defeating huh!  But don't stop reading, because it get's better.

 

You see, God has told me that greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.  I have clung to that promise this year.  I have trusted God to hold me by the hand and lead me when it was so dark I couldn't see the step in front of me.  I have leaned on Him to be the strength I needed to get from moment to moment.

 

You've read in my blogs before how life is a process and I haven't quite arrived yet.  Well this year I just wanted to tuck my tail between my legs and turn and run for the hills.  I didn't want to grow.  It hurt too much at times.  I didn't want to be refined because the fire was very very hot this year.  For the first time in my life, I didn't want to open my heart to anyone or anything else because the sorrow of being beat down emotionally was really taking its toll.

 

However, God tells me that there is a season for everything.  It's not all supposed to be roses and chocolate all the time.  I'll tell ya though, this season has definitely made His goodness so much sweeter.  Relying on him to see the sunrise each morning and be grateful for whatever He chooses for me that day has given me such renewed perspective.  I had to laugh when it was the comment of one of my patients that reminded me how the beauty around us can be blinding if we just stop for a moment and take it all in.

 

 

I had the privilege of hearing some amazing guest pastors in the month of December and they were God's whispering to my soul each week.  On one particular week, I was reminded that we have the power to choose what we remember.  We either remember the hurt and the defeating moments or we dwell on the miracles and victories and the moments when God showed himself completely faithful!

 

I've had moments and emotions that cover the gamet of this last year from both extremes.  But in the end I consider 2012 a complete victory.

 

This year began with the privilege of finishing out a 17 month stint volunteering with the youth at our church.  What amazing young people.  If any of you are reading this, please know that God used all of you to fill Greg and my lives with such joy!  You are all amazing and we know that God is going to continue to mold and shape you into the masterpieces He intends for you to be.  We continually pray for you!

 

Greg continues to be the ROCK STAR husband and dad that he is!  I am constantly in awe of his small acts of love.  He is always picking up the slack and this year we have grown closer than ever as we have sought God's face and direction during difficult times.

 

 

My amazing children continue to light up my life.  They are growing by leaps and bounds and getting very smart.  They challenge me daily and get about a third of the credit for these sneaky silver highlights that seem to be appearing on my head!

 

 

PLU has continued to rock my world as well! Nursing remains a passion and each semester I am humbled by the responsibility and privilege of taking care of others.  It gets the other 2/3 of the credit for those silver highlights!!

 

We all have our stuff that filled this last year and challenged us greatly.  But, God is good.  While there were moments to mourn over or be discouraged by, hopefully, there is much more to celebrate.  What will you remember?  What will you take with you into 2013?  I pray that as you look back over the last year, God overwhelms your heart with his handprint all over your life.

 

Happy New Year and may the peace of God be an umbrella over you this year.