It's Inevitable~

It's been four months since I've written. Change Happens. It's inevitable. Sometimes we embrace it and bask in the excitement. Other times we fight it till it finally wins and we're left mourning the differences.

Change has been prevalent in my life over the last year. There have been ups and downs, excitement and mourning. There have been things I had to let go of. There have been things that I have recently gotten to embrace. There will be more change in the years to come as my children grow and our lives develop even more.

I always imagined that once I had an "on track" relationship with God that it would stay constant. But alas, that too has continued to change. There are times of intense closeness and others of wandering. God is always there, I just sometimes get distracted from His presence.

I want to be someone who embraces change because I can't stop it. Trust me, there have been times that I've tried. God has reminded me again that I am a work in progress. That means that He's not finished. There is still more life story to write on my pages.

I sat today in my rocking chair and just looked out my window. It was quiet. I laid on my trampoline tonight and just watched the clouds pass across a beautiful blue sky. It was peaceful. My soul is satisfied. Not because I have everything or because there is nothing challenging, but because God is good and He is with me.

Tears that matter

We all shed tears. Today I received news that I have been placed on the waitlist for PLU's nursing program. It was hard to hear. But, I immediately struggled with how to react.

I had just been told that Japan had experienced another big earthquake this morning and they were warning about another tsunami. I had been praying over some friends that would spend this morning in their MOPS time saying goodbye and remembering their Mentor Mom who had come to be like family to them and whose loss has left a gaping hole. I received an email last night about a friend of mine in ministry whose house caught on fire yesterday and they lost everything. So, I felt like I couldn't shed a tear over just some news about being waitlisted.

In the grand scheme of things it just doesn't seem important. I cracked up about my "waiting" post a few days ago because now, I could potentially not know anything for sure till next February.

Well, instead of making this post all about me, I will just say He gives and He takes away. But He's still at work all around us. Not everything is tragic. I also received an email today regarding one of my jr highers who has had some swelling on her brain. She spent quite a bit of time at Mary Bridge and we've been praying intensely for her. Today, we have found out that they have a diagnosis, it is not the terminal things that were feared, and she should make a full recovery in time. PRAISE GOD from whom all blessings flow.

Now don't think I am some crazy rock star of a Christian. It is so incredibly hard to keep myself from sinking into my couch today, closing the blinds, and eating all the junk food I can get my hands on. It literally has become a minute by minute kind of day. But, these are the moments when we have to decide if we are going to live out our faith or just talk a good game. I choose to struggle through and live it out!

If anyone reading this is just having one of those days or there is something that you might be shedding a tear over, don't think like me. God cares about every single tear that you are shedding. He will be there to catch them and I pray His comfort and grace meets you exactly where you are.

The Waiting Game.....

Well, I'm still waiting. Still waiting to hear from PLU to find out if I have been accepted into their prestigious nursing program. It has not been easy. I'm also waiting to finally lose those last 10 pounds. It has NOT been easy. I find myself saying "I can't wait to graduate in June" and be done with the first half of this exciting journey. But the truth is I can wait. There are a lot of things that we wait for in life. I'm getting that all too important reminder these days that it isn't easy to wait.

This last week was one of loss again. A dear Saint that has encouraged me often went home to be with the Lord. She is not waiting anymore. She has arrived. Another friend got married recently after many years of waiting. Her dream is finally realized and the wait was definitely worth it.

I was pondering this today, and started to wonder what God must feel when he is waiting on me. Waiting for me to open the Bible and get a fresh word from Him. Waiting for me to stop missing the small things because I'm waiting for the big things. God is good. He is patient. I'm thankful He waits for me.

So as I wait this week and wonder what will be next, I will choose to live in the moment. I will remain faithful to the little things and pray that God strengthens me to handle the big ones.

Emotions

Sometimes, emotions run high. It all gets jumbled up and we start sinking. Then, we stop just long enough to have one second of clarity and we look up. Different people look up and trust in different things to get them going again. I will trust in YOU alone God, for you are the maker of my path. You are the one who has my life in your hands. You are the one who will give me the strength to move on. In you I delight and in you I will place my trust.

However, running till your legs practically fall off, shopping, and desserts all help too :)