I've never had the reality of having my roots ripped out from underneathe me until four weeks ago......
For those of you who don't know, my mom had a very sudden onset of high blood pressure about 4 weeks ago. No one could explain it. It was accompanied by very traumatic headaches. After a lot of doctor's visits, ER visits, and tests they found that she had less than 60% blood flow to her L renal artery. They are calling it Renal Arterial Stenosis. They don't know for sure if it is the cause but they still have to fix it so she is scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning. Some doctors say she is a stroke waiting to happen while others give her more meds and send her home saying all is under control. It is so frustrating.
So here is my struggle. I do solemly believe that God is in control. I do believe that He has her in His capable hands no matter what. I believe He will be with her tomorrow morning. I trust Him and have peace. I thank God for my faith that has carried me through some of the days in the last four weeks. BUT....I also have fear. I have anxiety about the surgeon not knowing for sure what he will find tomorrow when they go in. I know that feeling the one does not cancel out the other but I feel like I'm cheating on God or something. I was with my mom this afternoon and the tears just started to run down my face as we embraced. I whispered to her that I trusted God but that I didn't want to be that person wanting more time. We cried a little more and then she cracked some joke about being in the clouds tomorrow morning with Jesus thanks to all the great drugs modern medicine provides. (typical Edith humor!!)
So I am left praying. Praying for God to protect and heal my mom tomorrow morning. Praying for wisdom and steady hands for the surgeon. Praying that the procedure and surgery will go as hoped for and there will be no complications. Praying that I will not lose my mind between now and tomorrow when all is said and done. But especially praying that I will rest in my Savior who is bigger than the air we breathe. My Savior who is greater than the earth that we will all one day leave. If you think about it, please pray for my mom tomorrow morning around 9:00 a.m. I appreciate the intercession on her behalf. Thanks.
Fall is here!
4 years ago